I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
