Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
