i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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