she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
