i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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