Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He better not be in your backpack
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
