I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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