My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
