Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
