she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
