So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
