Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
