I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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