We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
