ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Enjoy the penises
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
