god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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