Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Use "feeling words"
Yay
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
