dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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