So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
