He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize