When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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