ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
