you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
being pregnant is like rehab
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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