I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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