Who wears a wallet chain?!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I understand Curling. That high.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
