And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
