This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
