Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
