i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
