Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
