You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
