apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
