oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize