It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
