was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
