I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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