he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
someone owes me an orgasm
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
