Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
