just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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