hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
