This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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