I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm like, not good at living.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
