I wish I could punch you in the face.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
