his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
