I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
