I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
