can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
