Don't make out with my wife yet
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize