so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
