nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
