So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
