fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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