worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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