we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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