found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
