so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize