You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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