As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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