I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
