hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
