Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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