I can text with my tongue
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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