It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
