We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
