My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
