Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
