Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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