I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
