My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
false alarm, still single
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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