That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
if only i could text you this smell
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My life is pants optional.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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