1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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