Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Umm I'm too high to move.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
